Cruisin’ USA

To: Invacare Wheelchair Company
Subject: A Question

Dear Whom it May Concern,

Hello. My name is Matt Davidson and I am a fiery-eyed youngster with a chip on his shoulder! I have always been intolerant towards rules and guidelines, and I was once told by a teacher that I had “no future.” I threw a chair at her but I am not very accurate and may have hit a plant or the principal. I am not really a bad person, I just do horribly bad things all the time because the world is a vampire and darkness is my only friend.

Anyway, the reason I am writing you this letter is because I was recently confined to a wheelchair after an unfortunate accident involving Perfect Dark (The Farsight is CHEAP). Simply put, my legs stopped working because they are god damned pieces of crap and I curse the God who put me on this earth. Because of this mishap, I went right out and purchased an INVACARE ELECTRIC WHEELCHAIR for all my cruising needs. I love this wheelchair! It performs all the functions I expect from a chair with wheels! I heard Invacare was going to discontinue their wheelchair line and instead focus on chairs with spider legs for getting around. Don’t do this! Your wheelchairs are great as they are! The way the lord Satan intended — with wheels!

The purpose of this e-mail is to ask a question that has been weighing on my mind for a long time. I enjoy getting drunk. I am not happy unless I am hammered out of my very mind! The world is an infestuous gnat the burrows into my skull and the only thing that can free me from the pain is sweet sweet liquor. My favourite drinks are as follows: Rum, Vodka, Beer. Would it be okay if I got drunk and drove my wheelchair around? I have not done this yet because I am not sure of the legality of it all, but I must say, it is hard to resist! I have places to go! What about hills? I think hills would be fun! Can I go down hills while drunk?

Please get back to me very soon as who knows what misfortune tomorrow could bring.

Sincerely,
Matt Harley Davidson