I don’t really like Juicy Fruit

Some fun notes!

I finally checked my website’s traffic reports the other day, and wow there are a lot of you out there. Apparently there were 7784 unique visits in October, which is about 251 visits a day. I hope you’re having fun, all of you!

Hey, guess what people are searching for on google to find my site? If you guessed “Juicy Fruit Gum,” “Ben Mulroney Pictures” or “Best threesome softcore movie -hardcore,” you’re right!

The full list for October:

1 31 20.53% juicy fruit commercial
2 27 17.88% juicy fruit commercials
3 7 4.64% cartoon pictures of kings
4 5 3.31% pictures of cartoon kings
5 4 2.65% juicy fruit gum commercials
6 3 1.99% halifax blog
7 3 1.99% juicy fruit gum commercial
8 3 1.99% new juicy fruit commercials
9 2 1.32% %22this is tomorrow%22
10 2 1.32% ben mulroney pictures
11 2 1.32% i want to be sucked up by a street cleaner
12 2 1.32% juicy fruit commercial song
13 2 1.32% new juicy fruit commercial
14 1 0.66% 23
15 1 0.66% american splendor motion lines
16 1 0.66% attacked jd on scrubs
17 1 0.66% best threesome softcore movie -hardcore
18 1 0.66% blog halifax
19 1 0.66% blue singers
20 1 0.66% bottle rocket characters

The first number is the rank, the second is the number of hits that came from that search and the third is the percentage. My thoughts:

The juicy fruit thing — Back on July 17, in the height of summertime, I wrote this. A small little piece about those god damned Juicy Fruit commercials, I didn’t expect much of a response. However, apparently since then my site has become a HOTBED of Juicy Fruit commercial information, with dozens of intrepid internet users coming across my article. There are even several comments from people I don’t even KNOW discussing it! What a weird world this.

Further comment: Who the hell searches for “23″ on google? How many pages would you have to go through to find MINE using THAT as a search phrase? I’m afraid of the interweb.

“Juicy Fruit Gum” (or a similar phrase) was also the number one search time for September. For completion’s sake (And to take up room!), here’s that list:

1 9 10.47% juicy fruit commercial
2 6 6.98% cartoon pictures of kings
3 6 6.98% juicy fruit commercials
4 4 4.65% pictures of cartoon kings
5 2 2.33% 28 days later parody
6 2 2.33% anime emoticon
7 2 2.33% buttloving
8 2 2.33% george strombolopolous
9 2 2.33% juicy fruit guy
10 2 2.33% kym maclaren
11 2 2.33% pictures of crazy kings
12 2 2.33% this is my house i have to defend it.
13 1 1.16% 80s music american wedding
14 1 1.16% absolute kings pictures
15 1 1.16% american wedding dance off music
16 1 1.16% anime characters in wheelchairs
17 1 1.16% big eyed puppies and kittens
18 1 1.16% blockbuster girl
19 1 1.16% blue (singers)
20 1 1.16% bottle rocket wilson jumpsuit

(I hope one of the two people who searched for “Kym Maclaren” were actually Kym Maclaren! Hi Kym!)

August and July aren’t very interesting (I guess Juicy Fruit is more of a Fall gum), though November is shaping up very nicely already. I don’t want to spoil things, but here’s a random sampling: “Are brittany murphy’s breasts real” (I don’t know!), “Jay Nathwani” (Who could possibly be searching for that?), “Halifax Monopoly” (Woo!) and, of course, “Juicy Fruit Commercials.”

I sort of worry that that juicy fruit article will be my one major mark on the world, and that when I die people from across the land will come to my Wake all because of that one damn story about gum. And they’ll sit and weep quietly together as they lower my body into its grave. The man in the corner will stand slowly, solemnly, and raise his guitar, and start to sing slowly, letting the words drift from his mouth into the cold morning sky.

“Juicy Fruit, is gonna move ya…”

And then some wacky teenager skateboard punk types will come by and suck everybody up with a street cleaner!

Matt