Movie Review Threesome

I watched THREE movies this weekend. Why? Because going outside is for SUCKERS.

Spider
This isn’t about Spider-Man. It’s really sad in that respect. They didn’t even MENTION Spider-Man. I thought they could have at least given me that.

What it IS about is Ralph Fiennes, who is a schizophrenic guy who shuffles about and mumbles things. The film’s directed by David Cronenberg, that wacky Canadian director who’s weirder than hell. This film isn’t quite as disturbing as the sex-and-car-crashes opus that was Crash, but by no means is it your typical movie fare.

The story’s told through a series of really innovative flashback sequences. Cronenberg shows us threads of a story, and leaves things rather ambiguous as to the true nature of our main character’s past. The story we’re told is often inconsistent and implausible — we’re shown supposed ‘flashback’ scenes that clearly the main character had not seen, while characters change completely. Cronenberg attempts to let the viewer see first-hand the thought processes of the mentally disturbed, and his film is largely successful in doing just that.

However, despite the innovation and effectiveness of the film, I think it fails in other areas. It’s a difficult and very slow-moving piece; so meticulous in its construction that there isn’t really anything left to draw the reader into the story.

I can’t particularly recommend it unless you really like sad, slow-moving stories. Brilliantly filmed it may be, but it lacks any sort of element to make it truly watchable.

Bend it like Beckham

I hate traditions.

I know I’m biased by my own person experiences in this regard, but traditions — especially familial traditions — strike me as very antiquated, backwards and often even harmful things. I see no reason to hold on to the past, especially if that past happens to stand for sexism, racism and a hierarchy based on status rather than personal ability. The “Father Knows Best” idealism is outdated, and anyone who ever tells you to Respect Your Elders is a person you just can’t fucking trust.

Bend it like Beckham is very similar to My Big Fat Greek Wedding in that they both look at the children of immigrants and their relationships with their very traditional parents. But whereas My Big Fat Greek Wedding was just annoying as hell with a “traditions are great; even if they do annoy the hell out of me!” ending, Bend it like Beckham takes a more relaxed, progressive attitude towards cultural traditions. Not only are the parents of Jessminda, the Indian soccer (or FUTBALL) player who’s the focus of the film, portrayed as ACTUAL people, and not two-dimensional cultural stereotypes, the film also dares to consider that perhaps these elder people CAN look past their traditions, even just a little.

The film boasts strong characters, a good plot, and some really funny points. One of the better movies I’ve seen this year, and I’d definitely recommend it.

Spun

What the hell happened to Mickey Rourke? I thought his career was pretty much limited to straight-to-video softcore porn (or ‘erotic thrillers’). But he pops up here as a Suburban Cowboy with a meth lab, and he’s absolutely tremendous in the role. It’s like he was born to play a Cowboy with a meth lab!

Spun reminded me a lot of Requiem for a Dream in its straightforward look at drug users. It stars Jason Schwartzman of Rushmore fame as a shaggy-haired meth user who “can quit any time he wants.” He gets messed up with Rourke and Rourke’s crazy girlfriend played by Brittany Murphy. Along the ride, he hangs out with John Leguizamo, somehow ends up with a stripper duct taped to his bed for days and has to rush Murphy’s newly-green dog to the vet.

The movie’s big failing is that not only does it remind me of the superior Requiem for a Dream, it seems the director actively wanted to MAKE Requiem for a Dream Part II. He employs all the same camera tricks, including the split-screen effect and the pupil close-ups. It just feels very derivative, especially since all the movie really seems to amount to is “Meth is bad, dude.”

It’s still a lot of fun, though. The music was exclusively composed and arranged by Billy Corgan of SMASHING PUMPKINS fame, and as such it’s great, beautiful stuff. I want the soundtrack. The actors do a great job, and there’s a REALLY funny scene demonstrating how NOT to wear a police wire(”Can you guys hear me? Can you? Am I supposed to hear you?”)

See it.