Thunder Road

Oh, screw you, you textbooks and things.

It’s sure a good thing that whole Hugh Grant update was a dream sequence, isn’t it? Boy would my face have been red had I actually written and posted that. I’m not sure how I’d live with myself. I’d probably drink bleach. Or at least chew a lot of gum and swallow it — I was always told that was a bad thing to do.

Here are some lists:

My exam schedule

1: MONDAY, NOON: American History

Well isn’t this the worst course ever. The professor, in addition to being an amalgamation of every “BUSH = HITLER” and “NO BLOOD FOR OIL” protestor you see on the street, is also a notoriously unfair evaluator and a bit of a bitch, to boot. I’ve passed both mid-terms, though, and I’m sure I’ll pass this too. And I gave her a terrible evaluation, so that will learn her.

2: THURSDAY, 7PM: History of Science and Technology

I don’t mind this course at all, but unfortunately somewhere in early November I decided to stop going for some reason I couldn’t fathom. It wasn’t until last week I realized it was because I was psychic and the new lecturer who took over for the old lecturer (a likable chap with a rare skin disease!) was, in fact, a robot. And not a breakdancing robot, either — a boring one.

3: FRIDAY, NOON (I think): Literary Landmarks

Haha, I stopped going to this class in like OCTOBER. The reading wasn’t terrible but man the lecturer was like a stand-up comedian who gets up on stage and recites knock-knock jokes for 50 minutes all the while looking disappointed when nobody laughs. This is for my major, too, so I’ve probably screwed myself over. Hey Care, guess what I’m going to be messaging you about on Monday afternoon…

4: SATURDAY, NOON: Satire

I made it all the way to mid-November in this class before I stopped going! The professor seems like a nice guy but it was a small class and I was constantly afraid he’d ask me questions or realize that I was drawing pictures of the Zelda Triforce on my notebook over and over again instead of listening. Anyway, I didn’t study for the mid-term in this class and did fine, so I’m sure I can fake my way through this too.

5: SATURDAY, 6:35 p.m: Going Home

Oh I’m going to kick so much ass at this one.

Things to do over Christmas break

1. Sleep.
2. Play Mario Kart — because it is awesome — with by brothers Tim and Chris, and Chris’ girlfriend Shawnna.
3. Beg my various aunts, uncles, grandmothers and grandfathers for cheques which I can use to avoid having no money.
4. Write the following stories: Blue Eyes Some Day, The Absolutely True Story of Mr. Jones, Where Are We Going If Not Idaho?
5. Find a desk chair. Spin around it. Repeat as necessary.
6. Sleep some more.
7. Go to Haggersville and ask every person there if they know where the Tire Fire is.
8. Go see Lord of the Rings: Return of the King with Tim.
9. Tell my parents I have no real motivation when it comes to school and that I’m questioning why I continue to take classes.
10. Go see the mysterious John William Blakeley in the middle of nowhere, where he currently resides.
11. Watch the following movies which have been sitting on my hard drive forever but I’ve yet to get to them: Four Rooms, Lost in La Mancha, Run Lola Run, Whale Rider. Also would like to see: Shattered Glass, Lost in Translation and whatever else tickles my fancy.
12. Build a starship that will take me past the blue blue sky and into the hearts and minds of happy people throughout the world.
13. Sleep even more.

Short Reviews

Kill Bill, Volume 1
I know the Tarantino backlash is in full swing, and it’s the cool hip thing to trash this movie, but damned if I didn’t find it a fun and extremely well-directed movie. Tarantino set out to make an over-the-top homage to Samurai films, and he succeeded in doing exactly that. The screener I have is a bit misframed (Though DVD quality, which is a plus) so I’m hoping this is still in theatres when I get back to Ontario so I can see it in a more complete form.

(PS: I also watched Tarantino’s ER episode “Motherhood” this past week. Obviously it’s not all-out Tarantino, but it’s still really nicely done. Some really impressive tracking shots.)

(PS: This is what part of the alphabet would look like if you removed Q and R.)

(PS: I stole that last joke.)

Wonderland
My first Academy screener of the year. This is the story of legendary pornstar John Holmes, he of fourteen inches, portrayed by Val Kilmer. I was hoping the film would focus more on Holmes’ rise and fall in the porn industry itself, but I suppose they felt that would be too much like Boogie Nights, which remains a far superior film. Nevertheless, the story told here is that of the so-called Wonderland murders in Hollywood California, which Holmes was posthumously revealed to have taken part in. It’s not a spectacular film, but the Who’s-telling-the-truth narrative is strong, reminiscient of The Usual Suspects and the script is solid, if unspectacular. What really makes this film stand out are the performances. Kilmer deserves far more respect than he’s given these days, and does a fine job here, but it’s LISA KUDROW (yes, from Friends) who really steals the show here, playing completely against type and showing just how phenomenal an actress she can be.

Don’t go out of your way to see it, but it’s a good flick to catch if you’re bored one day.

Hey look, no Hugh Grant movies this week.

Top 10 google searches for November:

1 47 21.86% juicy fruit commercial
2 47 21.86% juicy fruit commercials
3 4 1.86% matrix revolutions plot summary
4 3 1.40% aadm sandler
5 3 1.40% commercial juicy fruit
6 3 1.40% flamenco dancers
7 3 1.40% thanksgiving migraine blog
8 2 0.93% 97
9 2 0.93% american wedding dance off
10 2 0.93% funky buttloving
11 2 0.93% george strombolopolous pictures
12 2 0.93% holding megaphone
13 2 0.93% juicy fruit gum commercial
14 2 0.93% man with a megaphone
15 2 0.93% movie review and threesome
16 2 0.93% movie review threesome
17 2 0.93% neo and jesus
18 2 0.93% neo is jesus
19 2 0.93% new juicy fruit commercial
20 2 0.93% richard karn pics

Oh all you Juicy Fruit people, how I love thee.

I’ll be not-studying when I should be studying a lot this week, so I imagine there will be more updates than you’d expect. Press refresh a lot!