Can I be Electric too?

Remind me to change the category of my Spider-Man 2 review from ‘fiction’ to ‘review’. It’s not fiction! It’s as real as you or I. In fact some might say it transcends both reality and fiction to become some sort of hyperreality, awash in mysticism and colourful sparkly pinwheels that will lead us toward God.

I just finished registering for classes for next fall. I tried to pick classes I might actually have a chance of going to. This meant avoiding any class with a godforsaken tutorial because, seriously, who the hell came up with THAT bright idea? If I wanted to have discussions and ask questions I’d have gone to college! I’m in university. I demand to be treated as a nameless face in the crowd, showing up only to listen to lectures and hand in essays that will be marked by exhausted TAs. The second I see that a professor might actually CARE about me, I’m dropping the damn class.

Also, all of my classes start after 1 p.m. and I have no classes on Friday!

I still might need to make some changes, however. It dawns on me that I actually need to get a degree of some sort and constantly changing majors (As I have done twice now!) probably isn’t conduitive towards that end. Maybe I’ll be one of those guys who goes to university for six years. You know the guys. Doctors, I think they call them. Only I’ll be poorly-paid and no one will provide me with a white coat at the end.

Speaking of segueways, does anyone know where I can purchase a cyborg exoskeleton for cheap? I tire of this frail human body that will not get healthy no matter what I do. I’ve been eaten APPLES, for godsakes, APPLES. And still the doctors say “Give it another week!” Yes, here’s an idea, DOCTOR, how about I give YOU another week with my FIST in your FACE!

Here are some quick movie reviews:

• Fahrenheit 9/11 — This was pretty good though, really, Moore was just rehashing a lot of things I already knew thanks to my political nature. Bowling for Columbine asked better questions, I think, and was also funnier and more engaging — it remains his best works, regardless of any factual inaccuracies that might come up. Fahrenheit is marred by what I thought was a really weak first half. There’s far too much conspiracy theory and baseless speculation involved in the whole James R. Bath thing. When there’s SO much crap out there to use against the Bush administration, there’s really no need to get into such speculative thinking.

  The second half of the movie is way better, though. The scenes where he interviews the soldiers in Iraq are particularly good, and it paints a really sad portrait of modern war. It’s a good film, and I’m glad people are seeing it, but I still find Moore’s credentials as a mouthpiece for the left-wing to be pretty suspect and his films to descend far too much into conspiracy theory and irrelevant tangents.

• Annie Hall — Can you believe I hadn’t seen this before? What’s wrong with me? It’s pretty fantastic! Woody Allen is still annoying and it’s hard to watch him now what with his daughter-marrying ways, but he certainly has a way with dialogue and I really liked the talk-to-the-camera frankness of the movie. Diane Keaton is really really great, as well. I’d Annie her Hall, if you know what I mean! And you shouldn’t. Because I don’t.
• Glengary Glenross — How fantastic is THIS movie? I love David Mamet more with every film of his I see. His fucking dialogue is so fucking fuck fuckery fuck fuck good! He also uses a lot of profanity but I love it! If there is anything better than Jack Lemmon saying “cocksucker” then I haven’t seen it! Also, I love how great Alec Baldwin is at playing assholes. His best roles always involve him playing an asshole. “FUCK YOU! That’s my name.” Give the man an Oscar!
• The Graduate — Haha, I love The Graduate. The best part is when he attacks the family with the crucifix! Watching this film again, it really strikes me as the spiritual precursor to films like Lost in Translation — the sense of isolation conveyed through the direction is chilling. Still a fantastic film, though they play that goddamned “Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Time” song so many times you want to rip your arm off and throw it at the TV.

More later!