D is for ‘Disease’!

Here I am back in Halifax. I know that is sort of a mundane sentence but imagine it being read by an enthusiastic four-year-old with a bowl of spaghetti on his head. Also imagine there is much cheering following it. And a little bit of grooving. Also imagine fireworks, orchestra music and one kickass laser show.

The image you now have in your head is completely inaccurate.

Anyway, I am back. I still have to sort out all my classes but I have this nice note from Dr. Miles Kealey which says I had major surgery and need to take it easy. The note is a lie, of course, but whatever. Right now I am waiting for Caroline “Hosted Crack” Gaston to get back to me so I can figure out what the hell I was supposed to write for Literary Landmarks last Friday. I found out at dinner tonight that I’m supposed to be reading “Pride and Prejudice” for that course. I was really annoyed by this until I remembered that I never do the reading for this course anyway.

Another crisis averted, as they say.

ALSO I went to the store today in what I imagine is the BIGGEST BLIZZARD CANADA HAS EVER SEEN. You know it is big because I typed it in all caps. I didn’t want to go but my need for Purple Kool-Aid and bread compelled me to get out. While there I found what must be the greatest scientific discovery since — oh, I don’t know — the flyswatter. McCain SUPERQUICK French Fries. No longer must I wait upwards of ten to fifteen minutes to have tasty french fries; McCain SUPERQUICK French Fries are ready in as little as THREE to FOUR minutes. How AMAZING is that? FUCKING AMAZING!

Go buy them!

I didn’t realize how many DVDs I had bought over the break until I got back and put them all on my shelf! Because of my knife-fight wounds, I was only allowed to go out for short periods of time. As such, I often found myself in Futureshop or Best Buy or HMV or Wal-Mart, where I was shocked to find row after row of cheap, affordable DVDs! Here is what I walked away with:

1. Six Feet Under Season One - This was a gift but my stars is it just a great 13 hours of television. Who can forget such classics as “TOESUCKER!” and “So which one of you is the girl?” and just a giant heaping helping of PSYCHO BILLY CHENOWITH. Five stars.
2. ER: Season One - I’ve had this since late November but it’s what is next on my shelf so I’m including it.
3. Sports Night: The Complete Series - The show Family Guy dubbed “too good to be funny!” is actually both good and funny. I’m decided anything William H. Macy is involved with just HAS to be good, and so far this has held true. And 45 episodes for just over $60? One hell of a deal.
4. Grosse Point Blank - This film has long held a spot on my “Top 10 most favourite films” list, but I never got around to buying the DVD. Now all that has changed! Thanks for the pen!
5. Punch-Drunk Love - Hooray, now I own all four of Paul Thomas Anderson’s films. This is, of course, really good, and I can’t wait to dig into the extras.
6. Talk to Her - Oscar winning foreign film from 2002. I’ve seen this before, and liked it, but not really enough to buy it. But it was the only other decent film on Roger’s Video’s “Two for $12!” wall, so I picked it up, along with:
7. Confessions of a Dangerous Mind - Mom: “Wow, you sure do like John Cusack and George Clooney, don’t you?” It’s non-sexual, dammit. They’ve just been in a lot of good films!
8. Reality Bites - Okay, so maybe this makes me a woman, but c’mon. It’s kind of weird that Ben Stiller went from directing this to directing Zoolander isn’t it?
9. Ghost World - Because I needed more Scarlett. And because this is really great.
10. Bottle Rocket - I finally own it, so maybe I’ll finally shut up about it. I’m going to make everybody watch this!
11. Empire Records - Because deep down EVERYONE loves Empire Records. And some days just need to be Rex Manning day.
12. Mr. Show: Season 3 - Mr. Show is the best sketch comedy show ever.
13. Igby Goes Down - Because I try to be as much like Caroline as possible.
14. Reservoir Dogs - My brother Chris gave me this for Christmas. He gave me the Mr. Blonde version, which is pretty cool, as I think everyone else got the Mr. Pink version.
15. Donnie Darko - Every other university student owns it; why not me?
16. The Royal Tenenbaums - Now if I can just get Rushmore, my Wes Anderson collection will be complete.
17. The Usual Suspects - Every other university student owns it; why not me?
18. Singles - Cameron Crowe’s first film. I have not seen this yet, but it was $6 at Best Buy and who can say no to those SAVINGS?
19. Out of Sight - I’m not in love with George Clooney, okay?

Wow, that’s a lot! If anybody in the Halifax area would like to borrow any of these titles, my prices are very competitive! Late fees can be a bitch, though.