Loving me at my worst

I’ve been living in a confusing world lately. It’s full of days that begin before noon and end before midnight. These days feature such bizarre events as going out and studying and generally seeing a whole lot of people, all of whom are just randomly walking around the streets doing god knows what. It’s very disconcerting and I have to say I am not at all a fan of this new confusing lifestyle. It is tiring and stressful and I am beginning to think anyone I see on the street wearing a hat does so because they have a dark and sinister secret. Goddamned hat people. This is how coffee-drinkers must feel ALL the time.

On the plus side of things, I have finished writing two of my four exams. The first was for Literary Landmarks. The only real way I can describe the personal horror that was Literary Landmarks is to ask you to imagine the reincarnation of Joseph Stalin, genetically modified to be given razor sharp nuclear claws and zombie death wings and some sort of scooter with an annoying bell that he won’t stop ringing. Now imagine him hanging out on your lawn banging on pots all day long. And stealing your newspapers and mail. It was THAT annoying, stupid, genocidal and offensive. I’m really glad that it’s over.

I just finished writing my French exam, which was actually harder than I anticipated. I think I did okay, though, as my strong powers of NOT CARING seemed to overwhelm my meager desire to actually do well. Because, dude, it’s FRENCH. When could I possibly need to speak French? I’ll tell you when: NEVER. The best part was when it asked you to describe one of your family members in a short paragraph (In French, of course). So I said my brother was a 55-year-old man named Eli who worked on a submarine in Nebraska. What are they going to do — call me a LIAR?

With those two exams out of the way, I am free for a week. I have spent the last three hours laying on my couch and thinking about ways to productively spend this time. Here is what I have so far:

TO DO LIST

1. Go into a deep sleep for several years. I was considering being cryogenically frozen until they found a cure for insomnia because, man, that whole situation is funny. “I want to be put to sleep because I can’t sleep!” Oh, the cryogenic freezer doctors would have a good laugh on that day, I can tell you that much.
2. Move all my stuff from my current room to my new room. It’s a total distance of a few hundred feet or so, but man are there are a lot of stairs. I have to figure out how to move a couch down five flights of stairs and across a field and across a street and into a basement appartment. Early attempts to develop a rudimentary teleportation device have led to my DNA becoming spliced to that of a fly, but I’ll keep trying.
3. Study for my History of Science and Technology exam, next Wednesday, and my Short Story exam, next Saturday. I put this on the list for show, really, as the odds of me actually doing much studying are very low.
4. Write a story for this site. I’m trying to do something happier this month. And something heavy on dialogue. A quick preview:
   

   I turned to her. “Tell me two things you hate.”

   She paused for a second, but only for a second — and that’s when I fell in love with her –, and spoke. “Ice cream cake, and lies,” she said.

   Pretty good, huh? Except, really, what kind of monster would hate ice cream cake?

5. Get drunk and wave a drink around in the air while asking people deep questions like “Are ideas ALIVE?” Little will these people know that the reason I am asking is for my superhero comic book.
6. Walk through fog and write worldess poetry in my head that I’ll never remember.
7. Post more on this site’s forum, because it is pretty cool and hey, you should post too.
8. Stop making stupid to-do lists and go outside now and then.

You know that feeling, when you just feel sort of happy, and you’re not really sure why? And then you realize it’s because there’s a new episode of Gilmore Girls on tonight and you’ve been waiting months to see it? And then you start to hate yourself a little — but just a little — because, dammit, you can’t ever be indie rock now.

No? You don’t know that one? Damn. Just me then.

Songs of the moment

• The Whitlams - Thankyou (For loving me at my worst)
• The Decemberists - I was meant for the stage
• Counting Crows - Barely out of Tuesday
• Guided by Voices - Teenage FBI

Matt