TBT #21: Some Stupid Quiz

This issue is late and the last week has been a cornucopia of exams and drinking and weirdly-timed singalongs. I’d summon some creative energy but that seems like a dangerous idea at this point in time. I’d probably write a story about that ghost-with-breasts character in Paper Mario and her crossover adventure with the gang from The New Adventures of Pete and Pete.

That would be so weird it wouldn’t be The Best Things for Jesus Christ, this is late.

01. What did you do in 2004 that you’d never done before?

This question is so broad it reminds me of a woman in the first half of the twentieth century. Not because women back then were actually broad, mind you, but rather that men often called them ‘broads’. That, to me, was funny. In conclusion, things I did in 2004 that I had never done before included celebrating my 21st birthday and living through the first privately-funded space flight. They did not, unfortunately, happen on the same day. Nor did I celebrate my 21st birthday ON the first privately-funded space flight. Mostly because I’m not sure how time zones work in space. Is there some sort of, like, space time?

02. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I made a “No More Resolutions” kind of resolution. Which I think I violated in late March when I changed it to “Stop falling in love with crazy people, you stupid jerk!” I’ve kept up that one, so far.

03. Did anyone close to you give birth?

I think Mary Jane Watson-Parker gave birth in Spider-Girl. Sure, it’s an alternate reality and I don’t really know her, but I think it counts. I wish her and her fictional child the best of luck. I sincerely hope she’s better at raising children than Scott Summers and Jean Grey, who seem to view sending your child into the deep future as a cheaper form of day care.

04. Did anyone close to you die?

Sue Dibny, the original Firestorm, Robin’s Dad. Fuck you, Jean Loring.

05. What countries did you visit?

None, really. I was kind of stuck in a rut this year. I did go to Ancaster once. That was cool. I saw a movie.

06. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?

More adventure, more random nudity, to climb the AGGROCRAGG on Nickelodeon GUTS.

07. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

I never really remember specific dates, but the beginning of October was probably the most memorable. That’s when I realized the incredible level of power I hold over other people. You probably don’t realize this, but it would devastate you if you learned I didn’t like you!

08. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting promoted, I guess. Becoming, like, a supervisor was pretty weird. I mean, not as weird as that time I was a fucking Sports Editor but still pretty weird. I get to say stuff like “Get back to work!” It’s pretty great.

09. What was your biggest failure?

I think my biggest failure is my lack of cynicism. You see, I really like people, generally, and tend to ignore their faults, as glaring as they might be. I’m going to be more cynical next year, I think. So be forewarned: if I meet you for the first time next year, I probably won’t like you!

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Yes, but only really annoying injury. I didn’t drive my car into a canyon or watch a David Spade movie or anything.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

This iBook is pretty cool. I just need to buy more RAM! It seems to be helping me meet women. I’d make some joke about “ramming women” but it would seem kind of tacky and forced.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Pearle, I think. But, really, I was proud of a lot of people this year.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Oh, gee, this is a tough one. If you know me in any sort of offline capacity, you know the answer to this one. If you don’t, then, really, this whole survey is probably pretty boring for you and I’m not sure why you’re still reading.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Buying a whole lot of DVDs. Enough to fill two shelves! I’ve started putting my books into boxes in my closet so I have my room for DVDs. I’m the worst writer of all time.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Fresh Starts. I always get really really really excited about fresh starts. Then I get sort of lazy and they never turn out as well as I hoped. It’s like, right now, I’m saying “Next semester is going to be so much better! I’m going to go to class and succeed!” But, really, I’ll end up skipping all my classes for three weeks and generally not caring once again. It’s just the way it is.

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?

According to iTunes my most played song is “Poison Oak” by Bright Eyes so probably that. Or, weirdly enough, “I Miss You” by Blink 182 because it consistently was playing on the radio every time I drove anywhere for the first two months of summertime.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

I. happier or sadder? Happier, I think. By far.
II. thinner or fatter? I never gain weight or lose weight, as far as I can discern.
III. richer or poorer? At the moment? Poorer, because I spent about nine billion dollars on beer over the past week. But otherwise I’m richer, just ’cause I’m making more money when I work.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Being cynical!

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Not being cynical!

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

Not at the cottage this year, unfortunately. But I think the extended family is coming to our house, which is nice because it means I can just play videogames all day instead of talking to people who just want to yammer on about how I’m doing at university. “What are you going to do with your history degree? TEACH?!” “Fuck off.”

21. Did you fall in love in 2004?

I can honestly say that the time since probably March has been the first time in almost four years in which I haven’t been actively, romantically in love with somebody. Though I have to say, I’m quickly discovering other kinds of love. There are some people in my life right now that I really enjoy being with, living with, and knowing.

22. How many one-night stands?

My room currently has one night stand. I keep a little clock there, along with some vitamins and a box of kleenex.

23. What was your favourite TV program?

Um, Arrested Development, Lost, The Office and The Amazing Race.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

You know, I’m a bit too laid back to actively HATE anyone. Though Kevin Smith sure kind of sucks now, doesn’t he? Oh, and Donald Trump.

25. What was the best book you read?

Blankets, Box Office Poison, Goodbye, Chunky Rice — I need to get back into reading books that don’t have pictures.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Carissa’s Weird, Augie March, The Good Life, The Eels. Also I found this band called Scala that’s like this European Boys Choir that does covers of popular rock songs and I have to say, they’re pretty cool. I like it when they say ‘fuck’ because that’s really funny.

27. What did you want and get?

An iBook. An apartment without tension. Some awesome hanging out with some awesome dudes.

28. What did you want and not get?

I don’t want a lot right now. Maybe a date. Anyone want to go to the formal in January? Anyone? I look really good in a suit. I swear.

29. What was your favourite film of this year?

Not really sure yet, as I have a whole lot to watch still. I’ll make a Top 10!

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

On my actual birthday, I wrote two essays because they were due the next day. It kind of sucked. But I did get some awesome presents. And the night before I dressed up like Punk Rock and got really drunk and ended up bartering with this girl. I really wanted her to have sex with my roommate. It would have worked too, if not for her fucking cellphone.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

If it had gone January, February, October, March…

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?

I watch a lot of What Not To Wear. And then sometimes I’m like “Hey Pearle, buy me clothes.”

33. What kept you sane?

Videogames. And, also, going out in the middle of the day, buying a magazine or newspaper, getting a burger, and just reading for a while. I really like doing that.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Zach Braff for being really cool. Sarah Silverman for an enduring hotness.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

The whole gay marriage vote in the United States. I was ’stirred’ by the result of the vote, and also the idea that minority rights like that should be decided by popular vote. The United States isn’t a direct democracy for a reason, you douchebags. We have judicial oversight for a good fucking reason.

36. Who did you miss?

Everyone, during parts of the summer.

37. Who was the best new person you met?

Oh Jesus, did I meet any new people? Toni is pretty awesome — I met her in February. And my buddy Albert at work. He rules.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you earned in 2004:

“Blondes aren’t worth it.” Wait. That seems like it might get me kicked.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

Fuck this question. I’m just going to quote from the first song I get when I hit random.

I poured my heart out
I poured my heart out
It evaporated. . .see?

Wow, that actually sort of… works. Also, it’s my favourite Ben Folds song (“Evaporated”).

40. How did 2004 change you?

Decided to push my future child into competitive darts rather than soccer, developed an appreciation for erotica featuring celebrities, drove all night just to be with you, decided I’m not as tall as I think I am, grew to love the idea of dangling from a rope over certain death, stopped fucking obsessing so much over everything, made plans to leave the country in the middle of the night.

Fuck, this was long.

This Thursday: A Christmas Album you can all download and love!

Listening,
Matt