Things I’ve learned at university

University is the place where we go to learn. The type of learning varies from person to person, I guess. Some people tell you that they’re here to get the skills they need to be a doctor, a lawyer, a circus clown or a cowboy, while others will tell you that they’re here to learn who they are as a person and develop themselves socially, emotionally and — sometimes — intellectually. Why the latter group needs to spend over $20,000 to do this is a mystery as old as time.

I have been in university for one-and-a-half years, and it is only now, as I stand in spitting distance of my third year, that I can actually look back at where I’ve been, what I’ve done and what I’ve learned. There are 46 things on this list, because 46 is a completely random, nonsensical number. And that just makes sense to me.

1) Relax. It is not, nor has it ever been, ‘crunch time.’ Everyone warns you about the treacherous turns your life will take in the near future, but they are only ever as treacherous as you make them out to be.
2) Buy a giant bottle of shampoo. The stuff doesn’t go bad and you get a good workout carrying it back and forth from the shower.
3) Just keeping all your empty popcans in a giant box in your closet may seem like a smart idea at the time, but ultimately it can only end in failure.
4) The Armenian student who lives upstairs is sensitive.
5) If you’re leaning against the wall, talking to no one and sort of giggling, while having the absolute time of your life, you’ve had a bit too much to drink.
6) Play your music loud once in a while, because odds are someone will appreciate it.
7) Take pictures of everything.
The odds of something amazing happening are much greater at night than they are during the day. Remember this when you’re deciding on a sleep schedule.
9) Family Guy is a much funnier show when watched in a dorm room.
10) You can fit upwards of 13 people on a single bed.
11) It is always time for breakfast.
12) Grilled Cheese Sandwiches are an amazing source of funk.
13) It is always a good idea for people other than you to shave their heads.
14) You can probably get away with doing it the night before.
15) The guy at Subway probably won’t give you the Children’s Toy for free, even if it is 3 a.m.
16) You’re a better dancer when you’re drunk.
17) The moon is gorgeous when it snows.
18) It’s not that important.
19) When you live close to the ocean, then for godsakes, go and see it every now and then.
20) Never get up before 9.
21) Take a few hours on the weekend to lie in bed for a few hours, and think about the things you love.
22) Your videogames may be the only thing keeping your roommate from lying down in the middle of the street.
23) Some of us may, in fact, be smarter than Descartes.
24) Studying through osmosis is more effective than you think. Sleep with a book on your head.
25) He probably won’t mind if you take a nap on his bed.
26) It’s your responsibility to be irresponsible sometimes.
27) All the bowling alleys in Halifax close before 9.
28) Use the phrases, “That is to say,” “The fact that” and “Since the dawn of time” in every essay you write.
29) The guy with his hand in your sock has impure intentions.
30) Take the time to sit on some steps when it’s nice outside.
31) You can lift a surprising amount when you’re drunk.
32) There’s not a person alive who doesn’t know the chorus to “You’re So Vain.”
33) That soccer ball could actually be a very tiny person.
34) Don’t concern yourself with the sound of choking coming from the next room; your roommate is just doing push-ups.
35) The Dal RAs are overly stingy about handing out condoms.
36) Nothing beats a good group sex joke.
37) Find someone who stays up as late as you do, and then do your best not to mess that up.
38) Nothing beats a good burger and fries at 3 a.m.
39) Hug your friends more than you do.
40) Give gifts whenever you can.
41) Stop worrying so much.
42) You cannot live without your friends.
43) It’s okay that you’re weird.
44) There’s nothing wrong with caffeine addiction.
45) Shave once in a while. But only once in a while.
46) The best conversations are had when walking in the dark.

Matt