Kings: A Long Long Time Ago

I have a veritable boatload of pictures I haven’t got around to uploading yet, mostly because I thought they were boring and useless and dull! But seeing as how the picture posts are — by far — the most-viewed articles, I figure I’d better post them. Because there’s nothing people like reading better than articles without words.

This set is a collection from January, the month when nothing ever happens except for winter depression and snow. Captioning them should be interesting, as I have no memory of that month beyond there being a lot of snow and, I think, some wine drinking. So buckle up, gentle reader, you and I are going on a magical journey through time. All the way back to January, 2005.

• This is Shawnna, my brother’s girlfriend. I could not even begin to write about her without running the risk of rambling on for seventeen paragraphs. She has been around for three years, and manages to be alternatively a nice, cool girl and… the opposite of that. She also apparently really doesn’t like having her picture taken, as seen here and here and here. The guy giving the finger in that one picture? My brother. He’s a dude.
• Me, in my living room at home. I don’t generally grasp how weird I must look a lot of the time. To me, sitting like that — leg crossed, arm behind my head — is the most comfortable thing in the world. To everyone else, I look like I’ve dislocated several bones. The big glowing orb on the right side of the picture is probably a GHOST.
• This is Danielle. She has lived with us for two months so she’s not really our “new roommate” anymore. But had I actually updated this site in a timely manner, I would introduce her as such. “This is Danielle,” I’d say, “our new roommate.” And then I’d make some hilarious joke, possibly about our old roommate. It would have been great.
• Sarah Jones came back from Winnipeg. This picture was apparently taken right after she arrived, having walked the distance on snowshoes. I’ve only seen Sarah about four times since she’s been back, likely because I sleep in until 3 and then remain in my room for much of the day watching cartoons and trying to pick up women on yahoo messenger.
• I’m trying to find interesting pictures but instead there is just this and this and even this! Honestly, what is there to say about BACKPACKS? Who takes pictures of BACKPACKS? It’s absurd!
• Here are Danielle and Bryan baking a cake, I think. I don’t know where she got that apron but it’s pretty awesome. I can’t remember why people were making cakes so let’s just say it was to celebrate the numerous snow days we had in January. Seriously, there were like nine of them.
• Oh NOW I remember. It was for a Wine Party in which people hung out, talked, and drank a little wine.
• Or, you know, a lot of wine.
• There is nothing more important than safety when it comes to drinking alcohol. Safety and giving the ‘gun’ with your finger. Those are the two most important things.
• I have no idea what is going on here! I would have assumed she was going to die in seven days but this picture was taken over a month ago and I am 85% sure she’s still alive today!
• I think Mike Weir looks tired in every single one of these pictures. That really illustrates what January is all about.
• Pancake Man was successful in bringing momentary cheer to all involved!
• Mike got these bruises when he, uh, walked into a door. Or fell down the stairs. Please don’t tell the social worker. We don’t want to get split up again. Bryan’s trying; he just gets angry sometimes.
• Erin Balser won an award and apparently my camera exploded. I don’t know what the fuck happened there. I’ll blame gnomes. In any case, she won an award for her continuing endeavors to save the planet from the forces of evil and also because she really likes dolphins or whatever. I don’t know. I went to the awards ceremony in the hopes there’d be cold cuts 0r whatever. Instead? Vegan Food. Now, I don’t want to insult Vegan living or anything but I have to say that the food is not very good. I don’t know how the hell you make Eggless Egg Salad but I’m sure it involves drawing a big goddamned pentagram.
• This drill thing made a lot of noise when you pressed the button on the front. It was a lot of fun except for the first time I pressed it and I thought I had started something terrible. I scampered away, I did. Who knew my school had so many varied and interesting rooms with such things in them.
• Hey! Look! Nerds! This is also a picture in which Mike Weir actually looks kind of weird, which is unprecedented. As the guy who always looks like he has four chins and a weird head-tilt in pictures, I really hope this trend continues for him. It would make me feel less lonely in unphotogenic land.
• In the end, after a month of mountains of snow, exhaustion, sadness and melancholy days filled with Euchre, Mike Weir lay down our kitchen floor, and died. It was a fitting end to my least favourite month of the year.

You made it this far? Impressive! But The Princess is in Another Castle.

The rest of the pictures are here, if you feel like looking through all of them. I’ll be back tomorrow with more pictures, this time chronicling the beginning of February. I don’t want to give any too much, but let me to just say this: Special Guest Star John William Blakeley.

Matt