TBT #39: Because I love you

When I started The Best Things, I had planned to include an mp3 of some kind with every edition. This lasted approximately four weeks before I realized that i) I have very few mp3s that people would be interested in listening to and ii) I don’t like confining myself to set formats. So the weekly The Best Things became the weekly TBT and the format fell by the wayside, where it currently attends class with Todd and the Three Erics and that one new kid wearing a bunch of raincoats who was actually a rat.

But I have a song for you this week. It is The Best Thing for April 20, 2005.

Main Attraction / Dominos Falling in a Chain Reaction

You know Elliott Smith. You do. You’ve heard his music before. Whether it was “Miss Misery” from Good Will Hunting or the beautiful “Needle in the Hay” that was played over Luke Wilson’s attempted suicide in The Royal Tenenbaums, you know Elliott Smith. He is known for his tremendously intricate song-writing, his subtle yet memorable melodies and, probably more than anything else, he is known for being really goddamned depressing.

Click here to download “King’s Crossing” by Elliott Smith.

Told Me Whisky Works Better Than Beer

Elliott Smith died on October 21, 2003 from an apparent suicide. The official cause of death was several stab-wounds to the chest. Which strikes me as a silly way to commit suicide. If you’re going to do it, take some advice from the M*A*S*H theme song, and do it painlessly. That’s just a rotten way to go. But then, this is the guy who (in “Fond Farewell”) referred to drugs and suicide as the only things he “really tried.” The guy was sad and dealing with addictions; I’m not going to judge him for that. Nor am I going to judge him for the fact that he changed his first name from “Steve” to “Elliott” because he thought “Steve” sounded too much like a jock name. Though, really, that is pretty ridiculous, isn’t it?

I’ve never been a huge fan of Elliott Smith. I’m not now and I was not before his death, either. I did mention his death on this site when it happened, but that was more because I was going through a phase in my academic life where I skipped class whenever a celebrity died. I got some good mileage out of that one.

The Game Looks Easy, that’s why it sells

The coroner’s report is dubious, concluding that the type of wounds “raise the possibility of homicide.” As if a moody rockstar killing himself wasn’t enough to evoke memories of Cobain, there is also a his-girlfriend-murdered-him theory surrounding Smith’s death. That both Cobain and Smith dated musician girlfriends (Cobain with, of course, Courtney Love of “Hole” and her new act “Getting high and then flashing random guys at a Manhattan-area Wendy’s” and Smith with Jennifer Chiba of the band “Happy Ending”) further adds to the inevitable comparisons and conspiracy theories.

Here’s what I can piece together.

1. Despite a history of drug abuse, Smith had been clean for one year at the time of his death.
2. As this article so eloquently puts: ” [Smith's girlfriend]Jennifer Chiba, told police that she and Smith were arguing when she locked herself in the bathroom. She said she heard Smith scream, opened the bathroom door and found him standing with his back to her. When he turned around, she told police, she saw the kitchen knife in his chest. She said he was standing up, conscious and gasping for breath. She told police that she pulled the knife out of his chest and saw ‘two cuts’ before he walked away and collapsed.”
3. His “suicide note”, if you could call it that, was the short message: “I’m so sorry — love, Elliot. God forgive me.” It was written on a post-it note. Presumably yellow.
4. There are a number of differing reports as to the misspelling of his first name. Some claim that the missing-t is a result of an error on the part of the coroner. Others say it proves Smith did not write the post-it note. The absurdity of writing a suicide note on a post-it note, things which are usually used for messages like “Milk-Eggs-Bread-Chips” or “Don’t forget your keys!”, was not noted on any official report, but is largely implied.
5. Chiba removed the knife from Smith’s body before the police arrived. Apparently this has aroused suspicion, though I am not sure why. If someone was stabbed with a big knife, I would probably remove the knife from their chest, even if it was not medically advisable. It just seems like the right thing to do. Having something in your chest cavity would hurt!
6. Chiba refused to reveal many details to investigators or press, saying only “It’s absolutely not my fault. I know that, and people close to Elliott know that.”

Stand and Deliver

That song you downloaded up there — I hope you have listened to it. You should listen to it. It’s important to the nature of this article you are reading right now! What I want you to do is listen to it carefully. Do it a few times. It is a really good song, perhaps the best on Smith’s posthumous release “From a Basement on the Hill.” The intro is a bit slow, but it builds up beautifully. I love the lyrics, even if they do exist in neon lights above a giant flashing arrow that points to the word “SUICIDE!” which is lit with spotlights more powerful than the sun that warms us.

What I really want you to get from the song, however, is the bit that comes near the song’s climax. It’s around 3:59, if you want to skip forward. Smith sings, “But I don’t care if I fuck up / I’m going on a date / with a rich white lady / Ain’t life great?” And it’s drugs, of course. He wants to do more drugs. Then, louder, he sings, “Give me one good reason not to do it.” And now, listen to the next part.

Listen again. Listen close. It’s there. It’s really not as hidden as I like to think it is, but regardless. You hear it too, don’t you? A female voice says “Because I love you.” It’s quiet, but not that quiet. You hear it now, just like I do. And if you listen to this song again, you will inevitably hear it again. Every single time.

That’s Jennifer Chiba’s voice, by the way.

Don’t Let Me Get Carried Away

I have a thing for the small, subtle parts of songs. Whether it’s John Lennon swearing under his breath in the original studio recording of “Hey Jude”, the squeaky bass pedal in Led Zeppelin’s “Since I’ve Been Loving You”, the little sigh by the female accompaniment at the end of Bright Eyes’ “February 15th” or that lonesome cough at the beginning of Pink Floyd’s “Wish You Were Here”, I just like the idea of something a little bit raw left in studio recordings. Something that rewards the guy who listens to a song on repeat 28-times in a row.

You could speculate for hours about Elliott Smith’s death. You could pour over From a Basement On the Hill and his earlier stuff, searching for hidden (or not-so-hidden) messages, spend time combing the exhaustive fansites or the many news articles written about Smith and you could even just make wild guesses based on your own internal biases. But I’m not really sure that would get you anywhere.

That’s not to say I don’t do it myself, because I do. I have done it. That much is obvious from the fact that I have devoted so much writing to this song, this singer and this incident. But my conclusions are simpler, I guess. I don’t like to think murder, or suicide, or conspiracy or otherwise. I do not. That sort of talk bugs me about Cobain and it bugs me about Smith, as well. Honestly, all I really want to think about Elliott Smith and his death is that, shortly before, there was a girl who whispered “Because I love you” over a track he was recording. I want to think that she really did love him, even if that does make the suicide sadder.

It’s too much to think about, the fighting and the screaming and the suicide. I do not like to focus on it. Instead, I like to focus on the song. The piano and the rhythm; the drums and the cymbals. And, more than that, I like to focus on the subtle part of the song. That part that is whispered. The part that talks about love.

That’s the best part.

Only understands every other word,
Matt