TBT #73: Light it up forever

I decided early on that I would half-ass it this week. Pfah, I thought — which was weird, because why would anyone think something as audible as Pfah? — it’s the week between Christmas and New Year’s. Very few people are checking, updating, commenting or otherwise involving themselves in the so-called blogosphere (Slogan: A rapidly expanding internet community dedicated to consistently generating buzzwords as stupid as this one!) at this point in time. Most people are with their families or — if their family died in a housefire or the War or something — their pets. Not me, though. Sure, I spent some time with my family this holiday season, wintering at a cottage with scenic vistas. I laughed, I slept, I played scrabble, I drank my way through the awkward parts with the extended family — it was actually quite nice, all things considered. But all things must end, and now I’m back in Oakville, staring at a list of a bunch of changes I’m to make to an educational website, watching Clueless on MPIX and drinking Fruitopia out of a can.

So, you know, I could, if I wanted to, write something substantial tonight. Perhaps the second in what I have decided will be a series of pretentious stories about game show hosts. (Next: Ray Combs. After that: Chuck Woollery. It all culminates with Sajak.) But how many people would honestly read it? Very few! Maybe, like, two guys. And I’ll be damned if I ever write anything for two guys, even if they do appreciate it greatly. I demand an audience for my work. I will not write anything unless I know it will be read by at least ten guys. And at the very least half of those guys should wear glasses. Because, fuck, nothing says intellectual more than a gaggle of guys wearing glasses. And nothing says alliteration like that last sentence.

All of this build-up to say this: I am filling out a quiz this week. It is, in effect, the very same quiz I filled out last year. I was hoping one of my livejournal friends would come along and provide me with a ready-made year-end quiz for 2005, but it seems that their FAMILIES or perhaps their PETS were more important than quizzes this year. So I had to make do with what I had. I will add a few questions of my own to the end, though, so if you would like to steal this quiz and use it then you had better CREDIT me with one of those little livejournal links where it says my name and then has a little picture of a dude next to it.

I haven’t use this phrase in a while: it’s the best thing for December 30, 2005.

01. What did you do in 2005 that you’d never done before?

Wouldn’t it be sad if I just said ‘no’ to this question? Is that even possible? I mean, you could try to live a year in the exact same way as a previous year, but odds are certain things would change. At the very least, it would take TWO years to get rid of the “I’ve never lived a year exactly the same as one previous to it” stigma.

Regardless, here is a list of things, off the top of my head: Cranberry picking; saw a musical; oversaw a whole TEAM of tech people, one of whom had a giant nose ring all of the sudden; had surgery that was actually… successful; played a drinking game; went to Cuba (I always forget about that one); won a writing contest; wrote a novel; was published in an Environmental journal; got really drunk and walked into a hutch holding a bunch of wine glasses; thought my brother was dead for a while, but he was actually just asleep.

02. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don’t make new year’s resolutions in an official sense, because if I did I would just forget them. But I did make a concentrated effort not to see everything as so important or meaningful this year. And I think I did a good job of that. Weirdly, I managed to do this while also maintaining a resolution to hold on — or re-connect — to the people in my life who really matter to me. Which I think I’ve done a decent enough job with, too.

I also resolved, in coming back to school, that I would do my best to never refuse an invite somewhere, provided I didn’t have other plans. I don’t think I’ve kept that one ALL THE TIME, but I’ve done my best. And I doubly resolve to keep that resolution into the New Year. Now is not the time to be opting out of doing things with people because it MIGHT be weird, or not fun, or whatever.

03. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My cousin Katie has a BABY. This is weird in so many different ways, the biggest of which is that she’s only a few months older than I am. And if I found out I was going to have a child I would probably explode. Like, literally, I would erupt and fire would come out of my ears and steam out my head and then I would be in pieces all over the place. And people could try to sweep up those pieces and glue me back together but, when they did, I would just explode again, because seriously: a BABY? Does this mean I have to get up before NOON?

And get this: she named her child London. So bad news for people who have their hearts set on naming their kids after major cities: Paris and London are taken. You’re going to have to name your child Detroit. I’m sorry.

04. Did anyone close to you die?

Nate Fisher, David Fisher, Claire Fisher, Ruth Fisher, Keith Charles, Rico Diaz. Man. I miss those guys. Except for Rico, really. He was kind of whiny.

05. What countries did you visit?

Nowhere. Oh. Wait. Cuba. I drove a boat. And swam with some fishes. And drank a bunch of rum and wandered around the beach staring at the ocean, thinking: this is what Hemingway must have felt like. And then thinking: wait, I’m full of shit. I don’t know anything about Hemingway.

06. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?

More spontaneity. Some recklessness. Some nights than never end. I have wild oats to sow, god dammit, and I guess I’m just going to have to get into my tractor and sow them. Is that how you sow oats? With a tractor? I know very little about farming, actually. That could be the problem.

I would also like to have someone to hold on more than just an occasional basis.

07. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Specific dates can go to hell, but there are some specific things from this year that’ll stick with me: the Kozicki sisters dancing on Spring Garden road after an epic game of I never…, grooving to Roch Voisine at the cottage in June, watching Galaxy Quest from start to finish with Pearle totally by accident, making up a musical — and then SINGING it loudly — on the way back from the Rogue’s Roost with Erin, and that whole week where I was fairly convinced my whole family was going to end up dead or in the hospital and I would have to go live in the woods and be raised by wolves.

08. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Finishing the novel is up there, even if, really guys, it is terrible. I would post it if it was anywhere near good. But it’s not. I sent it to ONE person and she tries to avoid talking about it, because it is terrible. (that is the only possible explanation)

I also think I slightly improved my status, as far as fashion goes. I went from “bad dresser” to “ridiculously consistent dresser.”

09. What was your biggest failure?

I really promised myself I’d do more writing in the summer, and then I didn’t. I mean, keeping this weekly column (sort of) on schedule is an achievement in itself, I figure, but I really wanted to actually develop some of the things I’ve written beyond first drafts, and I never really got there. It bothers me a lot sometimes, because I know I’m going to declare, come March or April, that THIS summer will be the summer I finally get things going, writing-wise. And if history is any indication, I will then do nothing.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I had surgery again but it WORKED this time and I can say, for the first time in almost exactly two years, that I am entirely healthy. I mean, I’m kind of breaking out again and I cut myself shaving in like seven places yesterday (DAMN YOU QUATTRO!) but I don’t really think those count. I didn’t even get sick once this term! I am Unbreakable like Bruce Willis in that one movie, Hostage.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Oh man, I love buying things. I bought a blazer but I do not get to wear it a lot because, well, I live in Halifax. But I still like it. I also bought a DVD burner that I made excellent use of over the summer, even if I haven’t watched HALF of what I burnt for myself. Weirdly, I think I’m at capacity, as far as buying things goes. I walked into Future Shop today and nothing was really calling out to me. Even DVDs I can take or leave. It’s a bit disturbing, to be honest. I went from “Oh man, STREET FIGHTER for SIX DOLLARS? I’ll TAKE IT!” to “Eh. I don’t really need THAT movie.”

I also bought a lot of clothes and things which, really, I like.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Pearle, again. Really really a lot. But I think it was a good year for a lot of people. Kristine, Mike, both of my brothers… — if you’re not on this list, don’t feel bad: I’ll celebrate you nonetheless.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Pietro “Quicksilver” Lenschner. How could he use his own sister like that. And his FATHER? He got what he deserved!

14. Where did most of your money go?

It’s still in my bank account, mostly! I am being all responsible this year! Though I have thrown way too much of it at the stupid food in the Student Union Building. I just like it a lot better than the Killam for work!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

I got really excited about myself, weirdly enough. This was one of the first years I can remember that I actually started to think relatively positively about myself. You know how sometimes you think people invite you places just because they feel it’s a nice thing to do? But other times people invite you places because they actually like being around you and think you’re a cool person? I didn’t really ever see the latter as a reality until this year. I mean, I would occasionally, with certain people, but now it’s almost common.

I realize that either makes my old self sound really pathetic or my new self sound kind of egotistical, but, well, it’s better for me. Reveling in your insecurities is a waste of time, boys and girls. It’s better to be somewhat egotistical than entirely self-deprecating.

16. What song will always remind you of 2005?

We hit the Gardiner Expressway and there was surprisingly little traffic, which left me feeling pretty relieved. I thought we’d have to sit there. The song comes on the radio and she’s singing — and she’s a really good singer — and I never paid attention to the song before that. “This part is sad,” she says, launching into the words Now they’re going to bed / And my stock is sick / And it’s all in my head / But she’s touching his chest now / He takes off her dress now / Let me go. Yeah, it’s not exactly going to led me any indie cred — and I still hear Eagle Eyes when I should hear Eager Eyes — but The Killers’ Mr. Brightside will always take me back to that car ride with Pearle in 2005.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

I. happier or sadder? Happier, but I was pretty happy before, too.
II. thinner or fatter? Fatter. I swear to god — and nobody will believe this — I am going to start doing somewhat physical things not that I am entirely healthy again.
III. richer or poorer? Richer beyond words. The job was really good to me this summer, and switching from billed hourly to a flat rate monthly payment for work done at school during the year worked out huge in my favour.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Let myself have fun.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Avoiding fun because it might not be fun.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

At the cottage drinking such that I’d have a nice buzz going throughout the day. There were 19 adults, 1 baby and 4 dogs at the cottage this year on Christmas Day. And, yeah, it’s a big cottage — bigger than my house in a lot of ways — but that is A LOT OF PEOPLE, and all of them asked me, at different points, to explain what exactly my job entails. And no, god dammit, I don’t just design websites.

In any case, by dinner time I was downing wine and cracking jokes. By midnight I was nowhere near the drunkest person in the house, as a beer-fueled game of Euchre broke out in the living room and resulted in a lot of swearing and hilarious anecdotes. And then there was some yelling and ranting and, after that, more quiet Euchre. And then everyone went to bed.

It was one of the funner Christmas experiences I’ve had.

21. Did you fall in love in 2005?

There wasn’t any falling. It was just there. It was always there.

22. How many one-night stands?

I was going to make the same joke I made last year, as it was HILARIOUS, but then I realized that I don’t HAVE a night stand this year. My TV is right next to my bed and I keep some things on top of it and beside it. So, no, I didn’t have any!

23. What was your favourite TV program?

Six Feet Under rocked the house in its final and maybe best season.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No! And I even like people now that I didn’t think I’d ever like! It’s been all optimism!

25. What was the best book you read?

I really enjoyed The Best American Non-Required Reading volume I read in Cuba. Short fiction still continues to appeal to me more than longform stuff. Alex Robinson’s Tricked was good, but not as good as Box Office Poison. I was very impressed by Bryan Lee O’Malley’s Scott Pilgrim series, which surprised the hell out of me, as the last thing I expected to fall in love with was what is really a manga book set in Toronto, featuring a character who must beat up all his new girlfriend’s ex-boyfriends in order to win her heart. But it’s very rare that a writer (or writer/artist, in this case) is able to convey such a sense of FUN in his work.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Bonnie “Prince” Billy, Okkervil River, The Magnetic Fields, Jens Lekman, The Good Life, Fleetwood Mac and the damnable Rent Soundtrack. (the movie soundtrack is better than the play’s)

27. What did you want and get?

Possibilities for the future that don’t involve immediately settling down. A 50,000 word novel.

28. What did you want and not get?

The courage to do everything I want to do, no matter how weird, ridiculous or out-of-sorts.

29. What was your favourite film of this year?

That would be spoiling!

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Haha, I have pictures. I have been really bad at posting pictures this year. But I’ll get to them! We had a nice night at the The Keg, and then the Old Triangle, and then a bizarre expedition to the casino which was kind of like entering the Bermuda Triangle as suddenly it was impossible to tell what time it was and everyone else seemed completely at ease with what was entirely a bizarre and fucked up situation.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

I dunno. It was pretty good. More spooning, I guess. I really like to spoon. If someone would spoon with me every time I want to watch TV, that would be pretty ideal.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?

“These jeans fit nicely — I’ll take three pairs!” And then a button-up shirt with a white T-shirt underneath.

33. What kept you sane?

Knowing that I think I’ve crossed that threshold wherein, even if I did go completely weird, people would still stick by me. That’s what real friendship is, really. Sure, you might have 200 people on your MSN list, but how many of those people would continue to want to be a part of your life if, for some reason, you went through a weird phase where you tore all your hair out and then wore a velcro suit and threw yourself into a wall made of velcro so that you would stick to it? Not many of them, probably. The ones who do: real friends.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I’ll never get over Sarah Silverman, no matter what I do. She’s entirely inappropriate and ATTRACTIVE.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?

Sunday shopping in Nova Scotia continues to bother me. The fact that we didn’t even get it leading up to Christmas this year was absolutely ridiculous. There is no justification for this beyond either some twisted pseudo-religious desire to keep a focus on the family, or a bunch of Ontarian University students who think it makes the province ’special’ and ‘cute’.

I’ve also come to realize that not only am I diehard nationalist, commited entirely to the idea and the ideals behind Canadian Confederation, I am also a fairly staunch monarchist. I know; I was surprised too.

36. Who did you miss?

John William Blakeley.

37. Who was the best new person you met?

Danielle is pretty great (she is really good at singing), but I technically met her in 2004, I think. Other than her, I cannot think of any new people I met that I liked enough to include here! Maybe there are some but I just forget. Oh! The girls who live below us in the house are pretty cool. They like to sing and compliment each other; it is like a bizarro us!

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you earned in 2005:

“You can’t take a picture of this. It’s already gone.”

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

Bonnie “Prince” Billy has one of the most confusing names in music, but “I see a Darkness” (the song and the album) was a goddamn revelation for me.

Do you know how much I love you
Cause I’m hoping some day soon
You’ll save me from this darkness

40. How did 2005 change you?

So many ways: Suddenly I have far more buttons to do up every day; I frequently start singing along to my iPod while walking on the street, only to get embarrassed; no longer do I fear ovens; sometimes I feel marginally attractive, if the lighting is right; I now have big ideas about making other sports, beyond bowling, cosmic (first golf, then frisbee); at least a dozen people saw me shirtless at close range; I now understand the moods and emotions of a Canadian Idol contestant; I believe that I am more talented, at this point, than I have been at any point before this. Mostly because of the cosmic sports idea.

41. What was the most important letter (electronic or otherwise) you wrote in 2005?

I just recently sent a letter to a person I worked with a long time ago: my editor at the paper. I had had zero contact with her since that day in August when I decided that maybe journalism wasn’t what I wanted to do with my life after all. I can’t tell you how immensely satisfying it is to reconnect with someone who was a mentor, a friend and, in a lot of ways, an inspiration.

42. Most favourite month?

There was like a 30-day period straddling May and June that was just spectacular, with an awesome time in Toronto with Pearle, followed by a great first few weeks at work, followed by an amazing weekend at the cottage with a bunch of friends. That’s kind of cheating, however, as that wasn’t REALLY a month. But I can’t really pick between May and June (come to think of it, February was pretty good, too), so they are just going to have to climb up on podiums and beat each other with sticks until one falls.

43. Least favourite month?

August. Definitely August. I thought everyone was going to die! I thought I would have to be raised by wolves! Which is stupid, I know, because I am 22. I don’t need to be raised anymore. And also wolves would probably attack me in my sleep and eat my soft skin.

44. Biggest revelation you had about yourself learned in 2005?

I had no idea my hands were freakishly soft. I just thought they were, you know, soft. But apparently it’s freakish, and indicates a lack of blue collar living. Some have suggested than I go do some factory work or something for a while to toughen them up but, really, why would I do that? I think they have more benefits than they do drawbacks.

45. If you could go back to one year ago today, and say something to yourself then, you’d say…

“Don’t worry about it so much. This is the easy part.”

And with that, another year ends. If you’ve made it this far, thank you. 2006 will see the one hundredth — and last — edition of The Best Things, and significant changes to this site afterwards. I hope you stick with me until that end, and whatever comes afterwards.