Walk-on part in a war; lead role in a cage

We’re almost done and I have to tell you — that calendar on the right there is looking pretty damn nice. Look at how every day is a link! You could click on all of them! And, like, a quarter of them might take you to something worth reading! The other 75% will take you to nothing good. But still, I think the fact that you can click on ALL of them trumps any questions of quality.

And today, as my second-to-last day of updating, I am doing a quiz update. Because everyone just loves these!

Stolen from EVERYBODY.

DO YOU…
1] Like to give hugs?: I have to tell you, I’d think I prefer the hug to the handshake. I’ve been having to handshake a lot recently and it’s terrible. I have no confidence in my shake. There are just too many variables.

2] Like to walk in the rain?: Only metaphorical rain! Or snow! I like to walk in snow sometimes. And snow is a kind of rain.

3] Sleep with or without clothes on?: I always wear SOMETHING. I have since I was very very young. I used to lay in bed and worry about fires or whatever and how terrible it would be to have to run outside in the event of emergency without any clothes on. So I wore some clothes. And I still do. Because of fires.

4] Prefer black or blue pens?: When people ask me how I became such a computer nerd, I generally tell them I got into computers because my handwriting is terrible. And it’s true. I absolutely cannot handwrite legibly, to the point where I don’t even bother taking notes in classes most of the time. I usually just draw pictures of sailboats crashing into people.

5] Dress up on halloween?: I did until, like, Grade 9. And then stopped for a few years. But now I do again, because it is fun to dress up and go to the Ward Room. Two years ago I was a Badass Rockstar Cowboy and last year I was Punk Rock. I do not know what I will be this year. Since I am living with three other people we should probably go as the Fantastic Four. It would be topical. Like skin cream!

6] Have a job?: Yes but I do not really have a title. I suppose I am the Web Administrator and IT coordinator for the Halton Industry Education Council. We Inspire Youth To Make Informed Career Decisions!

7] Sleep on your side, tummy, or back?: I always wonder what kind of person puts together a quiz like this. Also, I like to sleep on my side because I put my laptop beside my bed and read websites and watch videos until I am literally unable to stay awake any longer. It’s nice.

8] Think you’re attractive?: Only when I’m wearing my blazer! Have you SEEN the pockets on that thing? It has, like, six!

9] Want to marry?: Not until I am 30 years old. I am going to wait until I’m 30 for all of that stuff. That gives me 9 years to hang around and spend all my income on DVDs and other nerd crap.

10] Want a dog or cat?: While I love my dog, this is another thing that will probably have to wait until I am 30. I doubt I could take care of a PLANT right now, much less a dog.

11] Have a goldfish?: I have in the past. And, to paraphrase a better man than me, the truth was that we probably changed the fish more than the water.

12] Ever have the falling dream?: I had a dream the other night where I was in a Wal-Mart and that little happy face guy was buzzing around my head all cheerfully, chirping ‘ye-haw!’ and such. And he kept knocking giant numbers off of signs that made terribly loud noises when they hit the ground. And I was running for the exit but the store was just so huge and the numbers he was knocking off the signs were falling really close to me and I had to dodge and jump and leap to avoid them!

13] Have stuffed animals?: I have never stuffed an animal.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT…
1] Abortion: I think that Canadian laws regarding abortion are currently functionally acceptable and would hate to see any further legislation regarding the subject. I don’t know where exactly I stand on a personal level but even then I think ultimately the decision falls to the woman, and no one else. (Except for, you know, the committee.)

2] Eating disorders: Absolutely disturbing. “Pro-Ana” websites (like this one are one of the most fascinating yet utterly abhorrent things on the internet. I just cannot believe people would willfully do that to themselves.

3] Rape: Probably my least favourite genre of music.

4] Suicide: My experiences with suicide have been limited to people who ultimately proved themselves to be nothing more than attention whores. I tend to associate suicide with that — cries for attention.

5] South Park: The evolution of South Park goes from kind of lame to getting better to REALLY great to kind of eh. The last season has not impressed me a great deal. It should probably be put to bed soon.

6] Piercings: I have no strong feelings either way. I’d never do it, though. I don’t like the idea of having to maintain holes in my body.

7] Make-up: I tried to put on eye-liner last year for my punk rock costume and I swear to god it was impossible. I can’t get that close to my eye without seeing flashing images of my EYEBALL ON A STICK cross through my mind.

8] Drinking: A good way to feel less jaded!

LAST
1] Call?: I hate the phone. My Dad called today to ask about his iPod.

2] Text?: I am typing text right now!

3] Good cry?: It’s been years now.

4] Library book?: I don’t like the library because… I hate free things? I don’t know. That’s weird. I SHOULD go to the library more. In any case, it would be something for class. Something about Early Modern France, probably.

5] Movie seen?: Batman!

6] Book read?: McSweeney’s Quarterly 13 (The Chris Ware one). It was good!

7] Cuss word uttered?: I’m not supposed to swear on this site anymore because I think my grandparents might be reading.

8] Beverage drank?: Diet Pepsi! I love it! Look at the ingredients! There’s literally NO downside to drinking it. It’s magic.

9] Food consumed?: Swiss Chalet, ordered online so I didn’t have to call anyone.

10] Crush?: Last crush was in… February, I think. And that lasted through a phone call or so. I’m doing really good at being an island.

11] Kiss?: May 15, I think.

12] TV show watched?: I just watched that Simpsons episode with the alligator; I hate it.

14] Shoes worn?: I have DOCKERS shoes that I love because they are fucking waterproof. That’s a feature I love for some reason. I could SCUBA DIVE with these!

15] CD played?: I got some Podcasts from the new iTunes Podcast feature. I’m a trendwhore!

16] Item bought?: A bunch of DVD-Rs for my new DVD Burner which I can use to download all sorts of terrible movies I’d never buy but still kind of want to own.

17] Soda drank?: Diet Pepsi is my new best friend.

18] Thing written?: I wrote a story about a guy who has a lot of lawn gnomes!

19] Key used?: I held shift and pressed 1!

20] Word spoken?: I just said the word “There” out loud so I would not have to think back to my last conversation. It was a while ago!

21] Sleep?: Like 12 hours last night. I had today off for reasons too complicated to get into. It was nice!

22] IM?: Pearle last night. I’m using MSN less and less these days. I’d rather talk to people through e-mail these days. I don’t know why; I’m just not feeling the instant message conversations like I used to.

23] Sexual fantasy?: Mary Jane Watson and Gwen Stacy. And sometimes a bunch of Webbing.

24] Ice cream eaten?: Drumsticks.

25] Time wanting to die?: How about right now? This quiz is about 25 questions too long.

26] Lipstick used?: My chapstick isn’t too girly!

27] Time dancing?: I didn’t dance, but I did groove a little a couple of weeks ago. To Roch Voisine, for some reason.

28] Show attended?: I am not a big fan of shows, I have decided. Because people like to stand really close together and, really, it would all be so much nicer if we all just sat down at little tables and appreciated the music through the art of chair-dancing. You just bounce your shoulders and clap!

29] Webpage visited?: GraphicMatt.com is my homepage.

:: u n i q u e ::
1. Bored/nervous habits?: I bite my fingernails but not because I am nervous. I just do it to keep my nails at a good length. I can never find those stupid little scissors when I need them.

2. Are you double jointed?: I have like 14 points of articulation and a kung-fu grip. And I come with a piece of Galactus’ leg.

3. Can you wiggle your ears?: If I push them back and forth with my hands, then yes. Yes I can.

4. Can you raise one eyebrow?: I can raise one eyebrow in conjunction with another eyebrow.

5. Can you blow spit bubbles?:? I can do that thing where you blow some air into your cheeks and then put your finger in the side of your mouth and pull it out so it makes a POP sound. Apparently not everyone can do that. But I can. One day I’ll show you.

6. Can you cross your eyes?: What, like a Catholic?

7. Tattoos?: I tattooed my naval so it looks like a giant question mark. So when people see me shirtless they are all like, “What the HELL?” and I am all “Precisely!”

8. Piercings and where?: NONE DAMMIT.

9. Do you make your bed daily?: Yes I am a fine craftsman.

:: c l o t h e s ::
10. Which shoe goes on first?: I don’t know but did you hear that they are waterproof?
12. On the average, how much money do you carry in your wallet?: I’ve been trying to live on $80 of cash per two weeks. That doesn’t include interac for big purchases (which I have also been trying to cut down on) but, still, so far it’s working out pretty good. Limits the amount I eat out, anyway.

13. What jewelry do you wear?: I have several anklets!

14. Favorite piece of clothing? Round here they call me BLAZER.

:: f o o d ::
15. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?: I don’t eat a lot of pasta. To paraphrase a better man, I don’t like to feel like I have to eat a thousand of something.

16. Have you ever eaten Spam?: Nope. And apparently SOME PEOPLE tell me I’m missing a lot.

17. Favorite ice cream flavor?: I’m trying to eat the spacebar and I keep accidentally hitting the letter ‘b’. That’s pretty funny.

18. How many cereals in your cabinet?: Tony the Tiger is my Minister of Human Resources!

19. What’s your favorite beverage?: DIET COKE AND THE BLOOD OF MY ENEMIES.

20. What’s your favorite restaurant?: Any place that serves meat on a stick.

21. Do you cook?: Anything that can be grilled, microwaved or put in sandwich form.

:: g r o o m i n g ::
22. How often do you brush your teeth?: Two to three times a day. Plus I have mouthwash that is awesome because it burns my mouth and I get to imagine all sorts of bacteria running for their lives as their little bacteria huts burn to the ground.

23. Hair drying method?: Air Dry.

24. Have you ever colored/highlighted your hair?: I am not a douchebag.

:: m a n n e r s ::
25. Do you swear?: Yes.
26. Do you ever spit?: Sometimes when I have been drinking.

::F a v o r i t e ::
27. Animal?: Man.
28. Food?: Meat.
29. Month?: October.
30. Day?: Friday.
31. Cartoon?: Uh, I don’t know. Doug was pretty great.
33. Subject in school?: Recess.
34. Color?: Everyone’s favourite colour is green.
35. Sport?: Video Hockey.
36. TV show?: Putnam’s Prarie Emporium.
37. Thing to do in the spring?: Write exams and go to Wendy’s a lot.
38. Thing to do in the summer?: Go to work and also Wendy’s a lot.
39. Thing to do in the fall?: Skip class and go to Wendy’s.
40. Thing to do in the winter?: Skip class even more and, also, go to Wendy’s.

:: i n & a r o u n d ::
41. The CD player?: It’s not my CD player so I think it has, like, Women & Song in it.
42. Person you talk most on the phone with?: The call was coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE.
43. Ever taken a cab?: No, never. What the hell is a cab.
44. Do you regularly check yourself out in store windows and mirrors?: No because if I do then I will turn into stone!
45. What color is your bedroom?: Currently, I don’t think I really HAVE a bedroom.
46. Do you use an alarm clock?: Nope. My laptop plays music that wakes me up.
47. Window seat or aisle?: Aisle. Though I don’t know. I never have to use the bathroom on planes, so there’s no need to be able to get in and out easily. I should really pick Window more often.

:: l a l a l a n d ::
48. What’s your sleeping position?: I’m in favour of it!
49. Even in hot weather do you use a blanket?: Yes because in hot weather I like the Air Conditioner to be CRANKED. There’s nothing I love more than an ice cold room at night. I kill my heat before I go to bed in the winter. It’s great.
50. Do you snore?: I don’t know but, really, I wouldn’t care.
51. Do you sleepwalk?: I hardly even walk when I’m awake.
52. Do you talk in your sleep?: I probably mumble.
53. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?: One day I will have a Spider-Man body pillow and we will go on adventures.
55. Do you fall asleep with the TV or radio on?: To the internet.

That was so fucking painful. I’m going to sleep.

Last one tomorrow!