Comments on: TBT #89: How to Write an Essay Just Like Me http://www.graphicmatt.com/2006/tbt-89-how-to-write-an-essay-just-like-me/ matt elliott Has a Blog Again Thu, 04 Dec 2008 01:23:03 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.3 By: Luke http://www.graphicmatt.com/2006/tbt-89-how-to-write-an-essay-just-like-me/#comment-1630 Luke Tue, 02 May 2006 03:22:06 +0000 http://www.graphicmatt.com/?p=390#comment-1630 Fairly arbitrary goals that I set for myself before beginning any essay include using no passive sentences and no instances of the verb 'to be.' Since that second restriction renders "that is to say" off limits, I usually use "as such" as my all-purpose phrase. I also like to keep my words-per-sentence figure up unreasonably high. And if it's a research essay, I like to include the most outlandish, but still relevant, quotes that I can find. For instance, my last essay of this semester included the following line: "When [the cannibals] took a man, they cut off his head and drank his blood and castrated him." Keeps thing interesting. These sort of tactics are pretty much the only way I get through essays. Fairly arbitrary goals that I set for myself before beginning any essay include using no passive sentences and no instances of the verb ‘to be.’ Since that second restriction renders “that is to say” off limits, I usually use “as such” as my all-purpose phrase. I also like to keep my words-per-sentence figure up unreasonably high. And if it’s a research essay, I like to include the most outlandish, but still relevant, quotes that I can find. For instance, my last essay of this semester included the following line: “When [the cannibals] took a man, they cut off his head and drank his blood and castrated him.” Keeps thing interesting.

These sort of tactics are pretty much the only way I get through essays.

]]> By: Matt http://www.graphicmatt.com/2006/tbt-89-how-to-write-an-essay-just-like-me/#comment-1629 Matt Mon, 01 May 2006 20:02:58 +0000 http://www.graphicmatt.com/?p=390#comment-1629 I was GOING to write this earlier but I worried that somehow it would come back to bite me in the ass. Like somehow a professor of mine would get ahold of it and realize my trickery and secrets and thus fail me. So I played it safe -- now that I'm out of school, they can't do anything! I can pass on these awesome tips to a younger generation! I was GOING to write this earlier but I worried that somehow it would come back to bite me in the ass. Like somehow a professor of mine would get ahold of it and realize my trickery and secrets and thus fail me. So I played it safe — now that I’m out of school, they can’t do anything! I can pass on these awesome tips to a younger generation!

]]> By: Jeremy http://www.graphicmatt.com/2006/tbt-89-how-to-write-an-essay-just-like-me/#comment-1628 Jeremy Mon, 01 May 2006 03:13:49 +0000 http://www.graphicmatt.com/?p=390#comment-1628 Where was this 2-4 weeks ago? I'm just kidding. Matt, I'm elated to see that you've endured the inanities of post-secondary education. Enjoy your month of relaxivity. I wish I had included that word in a paper at some point - because really, made up words are what academia is all about; that is to say, professors enjoy 'ize-ing' words and the like. There is a new dawn on the horizon, Matt. It is rising, just like the tides of our lives that echo the will of the moon. Or something, since finishing I've begun caring EVEN LESS about what comes out of my mouth. Obviously, I don't spout racial epithets. It is coherency that I'm fighting against now. Down with rationality, up with fun! But really though, where the hell was this guide at the beginning of April? Where was this 2-4 weeks ago?

I’m just kidding. Matt, I’m elated to see that you’ve endured the inanities of post-secondary education. Enjoy your month of relaxivity. I wish I had included that word in a paper at some point - because really, made up words are what academia is all about; that is to say, professors enjoy ‘ize-ing’ words and the like. There is a new dawn on the horizon, Matt. It is rising, just like the tides of our lives that echo the will of the moon. Or something, since finishing I’ve begun caring EVEN LESS about what comes out of my mouth. Obviously, I don’t spout racial epithets. It is coherency that I’m fighting against now. Down with rationality, up with fun!

But really though, where the hell was this guide at the beginning of April?

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