The Chinese, Germans and Portuguese (maybe), respectively

My mouse broke. This is really very terrible. It actually broke about a week and a half ago. I think I dropped it too many times. I’ve dropped that mouse weekly for almost three years. In any case, I’ve been stuck using my trackpad since and I dislike it. But attempts to find a new mouse have been wildly unsuccessful. I need a mouse with six programmable buttons beyond left- and right-click. Most mice just have five. Don’t ask me why I need six buttons; it’s complicated and involves a variety of nerdish explanations. Just trust me when I say that five buttons is entirely unacceptable. I’d never get my important work done.

I think this is the main reason I am kind of sad these days. And also maybe because my entire life has changed rapidly and a bunch of really awesome people are now very far away. But mostly it is the mouse thing. Is six programmable buttons really too much to ask? I guess I will try at Staples tomorrow.

You may have noticed the title of this entry. If you did, good on you. You’re great at noticing things. A regular Noticey Noticson of the LOOK! Brigade. What would impress me even more, however, is if you figured out that the title is a direct reference to three high-profile shows that had their season finales this week. Truly anyone with that kind of deductive reasoning ability is destined for greatness in either the lucrative private investigation business or in the equally lucrative smart-ass-who-works-retail-and-makes-sarcastic-comments-all-the-time industry. And in either case, you watch too much TV.

But so do I. And I’ll even review it for you. There are spoilers for 24, House and Lost beyond this link.

Too Much TV

24
This was kind of perfect. For all my bitching about the ludicrous seemingly uncopy-able recording plot, the last part of this season had everything I could ever want in a ridiculous action show. In the last six hours of the day, Jack Bauer blew up a gas refinery, highjacked a plane, landed that plane on the Los Angeles freeway after outmaneuvering a fighter jet, strangled a government stooge, buddied up with Robocop, taught a young boy how to slice a man’s neck effectively, narrowly avoided a nuclear strike through snapping a man’s neck with his legs and kidnapped the President of the United States. And it only seems really implausible when typed out like that! Watching it, it was only mildly absurd, bordering on bizarrely rational. In any case, a great ending; I’m so glad they didn’t forget about the Chinese. They are so evil. Like the Trade Federation aliens in Star Wars. The only thing I can quibble with in the finale is Henderson’s death. I’d have liked to have seen him kept around as a recurring character.

House
From what I can tell, this was a very divisive episode. Some people liked it because it was a total mindfuck and nothing was as it seemed. Others did not like it because it was filled with empty-headed philosophical speeches and ended with what was essentially an it-was-all-a-dream resolution. I fall pretty much with the latter group, though I’ve warmed a bit to the episode since watching it. I still think the whole thing being a morphine dream conclusion was terribly telegraphed from the opening scenes, but I do like the idea of House diagnosing himself within his own hallucinations. That is pretty badass. However, if the whole purpose of this character-driven episode was to show us why House wants to try experimental German ketamine treatment to cure his leg pain, I’d much rather have seen his thought processes presented in ways that were, you know, real. I don’t feel that what we got revealed a great deal about House’s character. Certainly not as much as was revealed in “Three Stories” last season, anyway.

Geez, Foreman sure recovered from brain damage fast, didn’t he? And, also, this episode was gross. Things kept exploding! And then House ripped a man’s chest open with a robot. That part was enough to make this show worth watching, despite my misgivings. He used a goddamned robot!

Lost
Maybe next season I’ll try just watching the premiere, the pre-season finale recap show and then the season finale. I really might enjoy the show more that way. This was not a bad episode by any means, and was about ten times better than last year’s season finale that caused me to visibly shake with nerdy rage. (”A LADDER?!” I yelled, “A FUCKING LADDER?”) I’m not sure there was a lot of need to make this a two-hour episode, as the first-hour kind of dragged, but things sure picked up by the end. I kind of like the idea of every mystery being answered on this show by the power of electromagnets. “Why were Locke’s legs healed?” “Electromagnets!”, “Why did Jack keep seeing his dead father everywhere?” “Electromagnets!”, “What’s with all these bizarre coincidences in the characters’ pasts?” “Electromagnets!”, “The Polar Bear?” “Electromagnets!”

It’s concise, you know. I like that.

I wonder if Michael and Walt are really gone. They do kind of need to get Walt off the show somehow, as the kid is clearly about ready to explode into puberty and unless they give him some sort of accelerated aging power, that won’t work with the show’s timeline. I felt like this episode was effective in answering questions, but I don’t really understand what the given answers mean, so it’s kind of a wash. Did the Others think it would be funny to make Hurley be their messenger? He is really not cut out for all that walking. What did the fail-safe do exactly? Shouldn’t Charlie be a little big concerned about Locke and Eko? They might be dead! Does Claire have a thing for guys who were almost blown up and then had a bunch of metal objects thrown at them? Because that’s all that changed; he still likes heroin and once kidnapped a woman.

Lastly, I think those guys were speaking Portuguese at the end, but I really don’t know what I’m basing that on. I don’t speak Portuguese, personally. I don’t know what sort of ramifications that will have on the show, except maybe the island will become more diverse as people of other geographical, ethnic and cultural backgrounds join the castaways.

Naming Desmond after David Hume? This show is so smug sometimes.

Matt