Things I’ve wikipedia’ed that start with ‘C’

So here’s what happened. I was sitting here, trying to think of things to write, yet unable to do so. So I did what I usually do when I need quick inspiration: I visited Wikipedia. Wikipedia is my new favourite web site, as it contains a wealth of information, some of it dubious, much of it questionable, all of it bizarrely proportioned. Ever since the internet was invented all those decades ago by a bunch of college students looking for pornography and companionship, print and television journalists have sought to define the internet culture. First they painted internet-users as geniuses — a veritable collection of eggheads cruising the ‘information superhighway’! — which was nice and overly generous. Then, a few years later, they decided everyone on the internet was a dangerous pervert — thereby instilling in many the belief that so much as revealing your real name online will lead to abduction and rape and prank phone calls — which was, well, less generous. In the years following that, the internet just got too big and so ubiquitous that to define its users became impossible. Any old journalist, still nervous around the keyboard, seeking to ‘find out the truth’ about the internet and its users was bound to find everything, including not only geniuses, perverts and, sure, genius perverts, but also his 14-year-old daughter, speaking in single-letter words, writing fan fiction where Harry Potter meets Scrooge McDuck and is his friend.

You don’t see those feature-articles that attempted to expose the internet any more. Because everyone uses the internet, even your grandma. There is no specific internet culture now — it’s just a collection of real-life cultures and subcultures made stronger by people from wildly different geographical locations banding together — but there was, once, in the beginning. An extremely nerdy, anal-retentive, socially-maladjusted internet culture. They’ve been subjugated now, thrown to the corners of the web, but nowhere is their presence more felt than wikipedia, the online, open-source encyclopedia that anyone can edit.

I’m not writing this as a condemnation. I love nerds and nerd culture. I spent 2 hours today anticipating, watching and reading the reaction to Nintendo’s E3 press conference. And I love wikipedia, because it brings me such joy and, occasionally, valuable information. It’s a wildly impressive project, and while I question whether it’ll ever achieve what the creators hope it will achieve, it’s a noble cause. I derive no joy from the vandalism that plagues some of its pages, and wish the site nothing but the best.

But I do derive joy from the excessive nerdery present on the site.

The Nerdiest Things About Wikipedia and Wikipedians

1. They have a special user icon for people suffering from Asperger’s Syndrome — Seriously, they do. This is the self-proclaimed ‘geek disease’.

2. The information proportion is skewed — This is my favourite observation about wikipedia: the article on the new version of Battlestar Galactica is longer than the article about Spain. Now, you could make the argument than the new Battlestar Galactica series is just as important as Spain’s rich history and society, but you’d be insane to do so.

3. The bizarre dedication to irrelevant minutiae — The article on Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, for example, contains the following sentence: “Of course, the abundance of flagrant macroscopic time travel flouts the chronology protection conjecture, which one may handle via suspension of disbelief.” Dude.

4. The pissing contests — Most of the behind-the-scenes stuff on wikipedia is well-hidden, but it’s worth looking around, especially at pages like the Lamest Edit Wars. The page chronicles the issues that have led to conflicts between wikipedia editors. My favourite, listed under ‘Avril Lavigne’: “Was her radio hit from her debut album, Let Go, spelled “I’m With You”, or was it spelled “I’m with You”? Intense edit warring ensued, and continues, over this contentious matter. Many personal attacks and a request for page protection were also included.” Though the debate over the article on Missionary Position is fantastic as well: “A revert war between two versions of the line drawn illustration, one incorporating a teddy bear and one without. Some people claimed the bear was distracting, or believed it implied the woman to be under age. Other people found the bear adding atmosphere since the couple is ignoring it.”

The bear adds atmosphere.

5. The tolerance and patience for trolls — Anyone can edit Wikipedia. It has to be this way or the whole concept will go to hell. But, as you can imagine, certain people take great thrill in deleting all the text in an article and replacing it with the word ‘poop’. Occasionally they’re creative with the vandalism, and will do things like draw cows. But instead of just reverting the vandalism and banning the users, the wikipedia admins instead… discuss things. Reading the pages devoted to users like Conrad the 14 year old socialist! and Willy on Wheels, a person steadfastly addicted to suffixing every article on wikipedia with ‘on wheels!’ (e.g. ‘Melrose Place’ becomes ‘Melrose Place on wheels!’), are hilarious just because so much thought and discussion went in to considering the fates of people who are really just total dicks.

The whole wikipedia project is a fascinating social experiment. And by and large it’s working. Despite all of the ridiculousness outlined above, I still find wikipedia is a great place to get a basic and general understanding of a specific topic. I doubt it will ever reach the point where it’ll be an acceptance source for any kind of scholarly writing — “Thomas Jefferson On Wheels!! was an architect of the American Constitution” — but it’s certainly policed enough that it’s become a trusted information source. And, hell, its article on Bigfoot almost made me a believer. That has to be worth something.

In conclusion, here are the things I’ve wikipedia’ed that start with ‘C’: Cable, Carnie Wilson, Cairo, Call for Deletion, Canadian Confederation, Canker Sore, Capote, Caroll O’Connor, Cauliflower, Cauliflower Ear, CBC, CBS, Charlie Sheen, Charivari, Charlemenge, Charles Rocket, Christopher Robin Zimmerman, Chuck Barris, Cinnamon, Confederation, Congregation of Rites, Connie Chung, Conrad Black, Constantine, Constitution, Contact, Copenhagen, Coral Cache, Corporate Welfare, Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young.

Later this month: Other letters of the alphabet!

Matt