Being Sick Today

Man, the world is a funny place. As soon as I write an update about my favourite chemicals, I get sick. And if there’s anything I know about health — or should I say wellness — in today’s world it’s that all sickness is caused by chemicals. Because chemicals are evil. They are toxins, in fact! And cause cancer, probably. I read that in a book somewhere. Could have been a pamphlet.

I’m feeling a little better now, though, so I think staying in bed all day was truly the key to overcoming my toxin-based illness. I bet it would have gone away faster if I had had some green tea and some sort of colon treatment and maybe climbed a mountain and let the wind commune with me — I’d speak with Mother Nature, for she is the Giver of All Things — and meditated, but I was pretty tired so I didn’t do any of that.

I’m not really sure which chemical it was that made me sick, but if I had to guess it would probably be Iron. Or, maybe, Iodine. Both of those chemicals are pretty shifty and hard to pin down. I bet if you mixed them together they would get all sociopathic and engineer a large-scale explosion in an urban area.

Thankfully, science tells us that Iron and Iodine can never be combined, so we don’t have to worry there.

I think I’ll be all better tomorrow so I promise I will write about more stately, proper things. And not science.